Weird Dreams

Aku nggak tahu harus nulis dari mana.

Aku baru bangun tidur, setelah mimpi random tentang crush-ku di SMP tapi posisinya he sat among my childhood friends and he was kinda trying to get my attention but I didn't really care about him.

He sat next to me, tried to make fun of me — but it wasn't really funny since I didn't care at all. Then he brought another girl — one of my friend too — I guess it supposed to make me jealous but I didn't care either.

Is it my brain that tried tricks to make me believe that I still love him despite all this time or is it him that genuinely take a moment to reminisce the past moments?

Oh, I hope it all was just a dream because... what do you mean?

No, I couldn't love you any longer since I don't have any shred of love left for you, yet I shouldn't hate you because I actually never really hate you at all. I was 13 when we were together and now I am 26, I live twice the age then so I think I have moved on since a long time but why am I still waking up with lingering feelings and being curious?

It's not like I missed him. Well, actually I even almost forget about his existence, yet here we are. People told me to move on and I've moved on, after all life goes on. We never talk at all since I was 15, I thought he forgot about me too. And I didn't care, I had a new crush and a boyfriend too. And it was all in long long time ago.

Maybe I've listened to Olivia Rodrigo way too much, but, hey, I would never hate you as if you were my enemy. Nor I still crave for your love because I feel enough while stay single. Those sweet romance story with the teenager characters were pure from my imagination and not only from my memories.

Though I could not lie when people said that I am a mozaics from people I loved. I thought that he left a piece too. But why ruin my dreams and sleeps, and left me with unanswered questions?